Dena Taylor | Blog
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Conversation Topics with Mom

Vitamin B12 has cured her 75-year-old friend of suspected dementia "Claire" is only helping an 80-year old neighbor in order to be included in the will "Lilly" hasn’t seen a gynecologist in over 20 years An unforgiving lady glared at her for talking during mass Complaining about the too-low sound at the movies earned her a free ticket She couldn’t find her keys but did find a new blouse at T.J. Maxx for $7...

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More Accurate Hurricane Names

Hurricane Carrie Hurricane unMerry Maids Hurricane My Money's on the Roaches Hurricane Ima Gunna Fuk'ew Up Hurricane So Much for Organizing the Garage Hurricane Fit This Into Your Watering Schedule Hurricane Nice Boarded Windows, Too Bad the Rest of the House Didn't Make It Hurricane I'm Doing You a Favor; Plastic Gnomes and Deer Make You Look Weak Hurricane Destroy the Glass Gazing Balls! Destroy Them All!...

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An Open Letter to the Lunesta Butterfly

Originally appeared on Fresh Yarn Dear creepy Lunesta Butterfly Thing: You scare the shit out of me. I don't know how else to say it but when I see you flying into people's homes -- innocent people, mind you -- with your radioactive green contrail, I get chills. It doesn't make me want to get all fetal, suck my thumb and sleep. It makes me want to add a panic room on to my apartment, and stock...

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Why there's always an empty seat at her coffee shop table

TABLELESS MAN (TM): May I sit here? QUIET GIRL (QG): Why? TM: Um, because you have a large table all to yourself and there’s room for at least one, maybe two other people? QG: I dunno. Are you a knee shaker? TM: A what? QG: A knee shaker. You know, one of those guys who sits and rapidly shakes his knee up and down like he’s nervous or excited or something. TM: Uh, I don’t think I do that. QG: You don’t think or you don’t? TM: No. I don’t. QG: Are you a sniffer? TM: Jesus. A what? QG: A sniffer—the kind of person who refuses to get up and blow their nose. The kind who just sits there and sniffs up his nose snot every few seconds, annoying everyone within earshot. And making normal quiet people who are trying to focus want to vomit. TM: No, lady. I’m not a Sniffer. QG: You don’t have to get all snotty. TM: Sorry, but...

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If Damien were a venture capitalist and/or creator of marketing slogans

Omen Airlines: We know where you're headed before you do. V-666 Engine: The ultimate driving-over-people machine. Motel 666: We’ll leave the light on. And then we’ll put it out. Forever. V8+666: Looks like vegetable juice but it’s Bob. 666 Flags: Your friends. Your party. Your park. Your doom. Union 7666: Regular, unleaded or Antichrist? Six Degrees of Satan: It's a small and scary world. Route 666: A few hearty kicks is just the beginning. 666 Feet Under: Several hundred feet closer to Hell. Six-Six-Sixlets: Tastes like candy but its cyanide. KDAM 66.6 FM, The Beast: The hottest hits of the eternally damned. ...

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