Mom: This chickweed tea is supposed to help me lose weight. Me: You don’t need to lose weight. Mom: I do too! I have a wheat pouch. Me: You mean a wheat paunch? Mom: Yes because all of our wheat is generically mutilated. Me: You mean genetically modified? Mom: I just hope it works.Continue Reading
Archives2012
12MarTamoxifinale
Sunday morning I sprung forward, first at 7:30 am (too painful, fell back), then for real at 10:07 am, and for the first time in five years — five years! — I didn’t take Tamoxifen, an estrogen antagonist (I love that) used to treat breast cancer. I took my last 20 mg pill Saturday, commemorating Continue Reading
28FebHe stole my money and done bought a Lamborghini. Not a country song. Just real American greed.
I was part owner of a Lamborghini. And some luxury jewelry. Even a nightclub! Who knew? Chumps Jeremy Blackburn and Anthony Banas, that’s who. In 2009, these two excrement-lined goons (and co-founders of Canopy Financial, a health care banking services company) cheated investors of $75 million and “misappropriated” or stole another $18 million from 1,600 Continue Reading
14FebCupid’s dirty arrows send dozens to hospital
After being skewered in the press for such high-profile let-downs as Heidi and Seal, and J.Lo and Marc, not to mention his being named in an impending lawsuit by members of online dating site eHarmony, a.k.a., eHoHumony for a slew of unkept promises, Cupid now faces criminal charges for infecting dozens at an Austin taco Continue Reading
01Feb81-year-old Mom reviews “John Paul Golodiyay’s” exhibit at the Dallas Museum of Art
Mom and her cronies went to see The Fashion World of Jean Paul Gaultier: From the Sidewalk to the Catwalk at the Dallas Museum of Art. MOM: Oh, you really should see it. Really uptown. They had some beautiful dresses…and talking mannequins… ME: Talking mannequins? That’s kind of creepy. MOM: It was creepy but you Continue Reading
21JanPlease tell me this has happened to you…
It’s the end of a busy day. You feel like you got the work done that you wanted. You feel free. It’s nice outside; balmy. You’ll take a walk. Actually, since you need a few things at the store — only a few — you’ll combine your exercise with your errand by walking to the Continue Reading
13JanBeen there, threw up that. Let’s not do it again.
“Can’t wait to see what you do for an encore.” This is my brother-in-law talking, in the car on the way to my Mom’s house after being discharged from the hospital in early December. This is meant to be funny because I was in the hospital two years before at pretty much the exact same Continue Reading
