ArchivesOctober, 2007

January 1988 MOM: How’s school goin’? ME: Oh fine. Books, homework, same ole. MOM: Well! Saw a great movie–oh boy was it good! ME: Really? Which one did you see? MOM: Ummm, you know. “Hanoi News”? ME: What? MOM: I think it’s, um, “Hanoi News”? ME: Nuh-uh. There’s no way it’s “Hanoi News.” MOM: Well, Continue Reading

Uh-oh. Oooooh, that’s not good. Fucking Odwalla. Oh God. Hold it. Hold it! HOLD IT! You can make it. Just a few more blocks. Oh man… Hold it. Hold it! HOLD IT! Shit. C’mon cars. Gotta cross. Gotta cross! GOTTA CROSS! Okay. To the Stop sign…the driveway…the mailbox… Oh sweet Jesus… Hold it. Hold it! Continue Reading

Walking along the sidewalk of the outlet mall in Could-be-anywhere, USA, I’m startled by the assembly of crickets dead and alive. Some having been smashed under the soles of new Sketchers or worse, Thom McAn boots (does anyone wear Thom McAn boots anymore?). Some attempting to hop, painfully so, barely making it to the wall. Continue Reading

ME: Why d’ya got to get on my ass like that with your big stupid truck? Gawd. Go around me, already. GO AROUND ME! Jesus. For fuck’s sake. Fine. I’m just going to slow down a little and force you to go around me. And – hi! – it’s raining! Totally dangerous to be tailgating Continue Reading

MOM: Oh, I just love animated film. Didn’t you see “Rappadewey”? SIS: It’s “Ratatouille” and while I appreciate the art of animation, it just doesn’t hold my attention. MOM: Oh, c’mon. Everyone loved “Searching for Elmo,” you had to have seen that. SIS: Searching for whom? MOM: Elmo–”Searching for Elmo.” It had great characters with Continue Reading

If God wanted my foot to bend that far backward, he would have made me out of green clay and given me a horse named Pokey to ride into class on. No air pockets. No air pockets. No air pockets. Sticky mats, wood blocks, straps and blanket. But will the instructor call me afterwards? There’s Continue Reading